“The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”
~Dr. Steve Maraboli
Deciding to start IVF was not the first step on our new journey. A lot of choices led to our decision.
After some much needed vacation therapy in Europe this summer, IVF was the next logical step. Part of me wanted to dive in as soon as we set foot back on American soil, but timing wasn’t quite right.
We came home to a hurricane, which only served as an additional financial setback…and I hadn’t realized that I still had some healing to do.
Our time in England, Scotland, and Ireland had been incredibly nourishing to my soul, and it was the couple’s vacation we needed after so many setbacks and some difficult years. What I hadn’t expected was how much healing would come when I got home.
Part of the process that I had not expected was mourning the loss of a part of myself. I had to reconcile myself with the fact that we won’t be able to create a baby the “usual” way. Coming to terms with that felt like a pretty emotional blow, and it meant that my lifelong expectations of pregnancy would have to change. This was an important part of my healing, and I don’t want to glance over it. Therefore, I plan to dedicate an entire post to this soon.
Though the hurricane and required repairs to the house forced our hand, taking the month of September off from all things baby related proved to be extremely healthy.
Once October came around, I was in a much better head space to begin thinking realistically about IVF as an option. We made an appointment to speak to the IVF coordinator at our clinic, and went in to get more information.
We walked away from that meeting with more information than we could process, and my husband was left with a bit of nausea over the price tag. But we both knew that IVF was our best chance, so we had to get past the cost. That couldn’t factor in to our choice.
We both needed some testing before we could proceed, and since I had just finished my period, I would have to wait until the start of my next cycle. I planned to get the tests done now, start on birth control, and wait a few months before starting IVF.
That all changed as my next period approached. I was six days late, and with that waiting came so much excitement and anxiety for it to finally arrive that I was bursting. The period itself was one of the more painful I have experienced since my surgery last year, but what made it clear to me that it was time to begin IVF was how much I wanted it to come.
It finally did (after nearly a week of cramping) and I made the appointment to get my tests done. First up was blood work, followed by starting birth control, and two days later I had to go get a saline sonogram.
I didn’t find out the results of the blood work right away, but the doctor informed me while performing the sonogram that “everything looks good.” Meaning, my uterine cavity was perfectly smooth and free from fibroids and polyps. This was all really good news, and got me more excited about starting IVF.
To be honest, my incredibly painful period this cycle, likely indicated that my endometriosis is getting worse. Waiting was no longer an option, especially since my surgery was nearly a year ago. It was time.
We both knew it.
Luckily, while all this testing was going on, we were in the process of applying for a loan to pay for the procedure, and by the following week, when we went back to the clinic to learn about the medications I would be taking, we had been approved at a manageable interest rate.
I was thrilled.
It had begun.